I asked her, “Who will get the bullet & who will get the blank?”
And staring into those green eyes like the glass surface of an isolated lake
Waiting for the tears to squeeze their way out of her inlets & dive down her face
I thought of the sleepless, dreamless nights I’ve been having
The hum of the orange L.A. darkness substituting for a soundtrack
And the SUV’s I imagined flying by on the freeway with their bumper sticker logic
Video flicker makes it easier to feel sicker, cock my gun, drop off the safety
Bet no bullet this time on awakenings & flop sweat Russian Roulette
Bang bang, hollowed-out stem leads lead from dark to light
And I’ve been waiting days, weeks & months to ache, shock & stun her like a gun
Seduce her by the trick click in succession of me loading the bullet into the chamber
White noise surroundings & the boyish good looks that make her, break her like a hired killer
Nothing like daylight between us but rather that hornet’s nest hum of dust
Making figurines & backdrops for a setting sun, almost feeding time
Do YOU catch your own food? Would YOU kill it just to survive?
Take it down with a few hard shots that move quicker than the eye
With my shotgun blast inside her thighs I hope to shake her
Get rid of that moving target on her head, red spot chasing her around
With shocking accuracy, it would fall right on her heart & burn through her shirt
Through her skin, past her ribcage & into the part she hides in the camouflage
Of lungs & muscles that snake her anatomy, laying low to the ground & invisible
Only lasts until she kills the innocence that makes her second guess things
Call late night out from Los Angeles freeways to other cellphones
Cry herself to sleep with the words she doesn’t ever say out loud
Like agony, honey, loose cannons never seem to shoot straight
Miss their target but leave her with legs generally shaky & out-of-step
Sounds funny but I wish it were just a seven-day waiting period until she invites me up to
Whichever apartment has her homemade dresser she keeps the bullets locked up in
That match my gun for caliber, diameter & tip & the trip it will take
Popping up with tension from the cartridge to the chamber to the barrel
Pull the trigger on this one, don’t wait, let the flint spark & guess
What do you get from the mouth of the gun
© Adam Bresson
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