“Greatest trouble caused by me leaving before you…”
Greatest trouble caused by me leaving before you.
I would reach out across whatever time & light
conspired to keep me from whispering in your ear
“goodnight sweetheart” & land somewhere close
for fear they would close the stone gate
of the mausoleum.
Saddest lonely I imagine ever felt or seized.
You sitting on a bench wearing my zipper black sweater
waiting for me with a cup of coffee in your hand
& a Christmas card marking the day after your birthday
when I can’t possibly give you anything more,
trusting that you would come every day black or grey
to the mausoleum.
Worst green ever would be the ivy that grows on stone.
The herky-jerky patterns it crawls up without care
teaming with gravity, translucent photosynthesis
bending to & afraid from the light of the sun yet
comfortable on the heatless night wall
stalking the mausoleum.
This house of the dead was built by some men.
Hands pushing & prodding a shape on the grass
growing so green over a field broken up by stones
aligned like soldiers interred & spine gone
obstacle course leading
to the sundial mausoleum.
I want you near me with stunning regularity.
Come daily to the rock edifice that has my copper nameplate
announcing not the going of life but the flooding of penance,
forgiveness for leaving so soon falling all over you
like a winter rush air chapping your lips for one final kiss
in the mausoleum.
I might rather you walked upon me while passing over.
Instead, the dirt floor stretches out from end-to-end inside
giving everything the smell of matchsticks &
when you walk across with the most deliberate gait
you kick up dust that tempests
through the mausoleum.
There are lucky days & there are lonely days.
There is lucky light & lonely light that crisscrosses
in through the slatted ceiling at sunrise
making a Morse code pattern that spells out
the name of beautiful moments along with
beautiful secrets that we shared
outside the mausoleum.
I’ve chosen to emblazon the roof with the truth & the heart leftover.
Looking down from above you will see a kaleidoscope of
illumination cut into the shapes of memory & faith we always had
in each other more than others & the ultimate rise
of what is trapped, what is steeled away, what is locked,
but forged within the mausoleum.
Remember me with the thoughts & in-between thoughts.
I think words like “always” & “forever” have lost their infinite meaning
& now just sound like they fill in the pauses between what I really want to say
which is “Honey, it just might be alright.”
I am right here with you. I am right behind you.
Leave the door open to make sure I get out.
© Adam Bresson



